someone owes me an orgasm
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
