What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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