Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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