It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
