My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
