I cockslap morals
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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