the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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