the condom got lost in my hair
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
