2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
