I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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