i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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