i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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