Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
