so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
