I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My balls are so social today.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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