why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You smell like stripper and shame
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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