do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
that is very illegal...i love you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
