i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
