dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
