You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
