Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
