Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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