if only i could text you this smell
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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