We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
