isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
