So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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