life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
