i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
