Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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