I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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