Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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