Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
