I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
