You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
