at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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