He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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