He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
