I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just had sex bonerless
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
