he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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