Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
