i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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