We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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