meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
