she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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