I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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