I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
