I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
