Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
