I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize