Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
