"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
