So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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